David Rhoden

I worked at a law firm with miserable people.

by David Rhoden. Day .

post it note about not making calls in the office

Everyone was so miserable in this place. I worked under the indirect supervision of this lawyer who was like a dying husk of a man. Overweight, balding, never smiled. I looked up his lawyer bio and realized he had the exact same birthday as me. He looked twenty years older.

One day I walked in the breakroom and this lawyer and the paralegal I reported directly to were making out in the corner. I walked back out but they saw me. "I guess I'll get canned now," I thought. but then I thought a minute more and reailzed "Wait! I'll probably never get fired now!" So i would get helpful notes like the one pictured above, giving me strategies for keeping my job but I could just ignore them. For one thing I was by far the fastest paralegal on the team. I could get a full day's work done in half an hour thanks to knowing a little bit about regular expressions. Nobody could complain about my work. That's a long story though.

There's more to write about this place. Why I wore a suit, even though I was a "paralegal", and not a real licensed paralegal at that. The woman who taught me Rule Number One about bargaining. The stuff I saw while looking out the windows.